“What we seek is some kind of compensation for what we put up with.”
Last week, I have finished reading Haruki Murakami's Dance Dance Dance. I really enjoyed the novel. The story takes you in the borderline of fantasy and reality. The story is unpredictable and surreal. Reading it was a worldly pleasure but the learning from it was such a beautiful experience for my soul.
For me, the book is like a reality check especially when I read that line above. I guess after everything I've been through this past weeks, it's the exact description of what I'm feeling. I am seeking for some kind of compensation for everything that I have put up with these few weeks. To tell you the truth, I've been struggling really hard with the challenges that life throws at me, and I am caught in the middle of an unknown chaos in my family. I have tried to accommodate everyone's emotions, up to the point when I just couldn't breath anymore but I just took everything in. I took every negativity in, I was "shoveling snow", it may be a petty thing to do but someone has to do it. I took on the task of shoveling snow, it was okay for me but I just couldn't understand why some people don't appreciate these little things others do for them. I also wonder why these people could hurt you as if you did nothing good to them, as if you didn't place any effort to make their lives a little easier. So the story is, I've done these little things but then I think someone in my family still thinks I don't deserve a little respect for what I did. I was hurt. I was really hurt, but I know I should get over it because that's how one solves the problem on hurt,you get over it. I did retreat for awhile, with all the chaos that been going on, I think my compensation is my right to step back. I took that step back and I thought things over especially about this endless string of problems.And let's say, what I have realized about life could be describe from one line in the book,
"As time goes on, you'll understand. What lasts, lasts; what doesn't, doesn't. Time solves most things. And what time can't solve, you have to solve yourself."
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