confessions of a masochist

I was browsing my phone and I found a blog I made a year ago. I'm used to putting my ideas on my phone when I don't have a pen and a paper nearby.

I made it last May 18,2009.Here it goes. . .

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It started when I gave everything to someone. I became vulnerable. After a while, I was so into that person---I've fallen for him. I've fallen way down deep and I can't get out anymore. Then, he left. Just like that, my whole world tumbled down and he was nowhere to be found. I had only our memories for me to cling on and with those;I've tried to spend more time with him. I kept on playing them in my head as my way of keeping him but I never noticed those memories were tainted with the pain of his leaving.


I wanted to move on and get him out of my system. I was doing well in forgetting him, I didn't think of him as much as I did before. However, I can't do much anymore as if I don't have the strength to carry on with my life. I decided to listen to our songs, look at his pictures, and recall the words he said when he left. I found myself inducing the pain of the past to make me feel real again. That's when I've realized , pain makes me high.